Xander - A Legendary-Ish Journey
by TattlesTail
Summary: Xander is the son of Aeon and Hera, a God of time and space currently sulking in the mortal world as a type of 'Teenage rebellion' stage from his mother due to her treatment of Hercules several thousand years earlier.


**(A/n) Not sure why I decided to write this, but here it is, I do not own BtVS or Hercules: The Legendary Journey.**

* * *

As his car blasted past the Sunnydale town limits, Xander shuddered as a wave of energy slammed into him, bringing power and memories with it.

A shower of light to his right drew the young man's eye as he balefully glared at the unwanted companion for a moment before he turned his attention back to the road. "Hera, what can I do for you today?" He asked irreverently as the Queen of the Gods glared at him.

"Is that anyway to speak to your mother?"

Xander snorted in contempt of the title as he merged onto the highway and sped towards L.A. "I'll call you that when you finally explain why you were acting like such a bitch." Xander said honestly before he flinched as a bolt of fire slammed into the side of his face.

As the strike washed his face and body with hellfire Xander had to honestly admit that he probably had it coming. Even if the term was accurate it was never wise to call your mother a bitch to her face, when said mother was the Queen of the Gods it made it even worse.

As the flames died down Xander took a moment to wave off the panicked drivers around him that had just witnessed his sudden cranial combustion before he turned back to his passenger with a scowl. "I'm sorry for calling you that but the point stands." He asserted as his mother crossed her arms defensively and scowled out the windshield as Xander sighed. "You killed his wife and children in front of him and then proceeded to taunt him for over a decade." Xander reminded her and shook his head as she turned to face away from him.

"The situation was more complex than that..." Hera explained testily for what felt like the millionth time as Xander sighed.

"I get it, believe me; I do, if being a mortal has taught me anything about being a god it's that things aren't always what they seem, especially when higher and lower powers get involved but..." Xander trailed off as he tried to get his mother to see the reason for his anger over the situation.

Glaring at Xander for several long seconds Hera waved a hand and transported herself and her child to somewhere they could converse without too much trouble.

With a shower of sparks, Xander found himself in a booth with a plate of hot wings as girls in orange shorts and too tight shirts pranced about, over the next hour Xander ate a small flock of chicken legs in marinade as his mother explained the situation and the reasons behind it.

In the end, Xander found himself leaning back in the booth with a sigh as he rubbed his eyes tiredly, the fact of the matter was he actually found himself agreeing with the other gods in this situation, which was something new to his experience if he was honest.

With his eyes closed and this new knowledge available Xander could follow the path of fate back; his gift from his father allowed him to perceive the cause and effect throughout time.

As he ran through the options available, he couldn't find anything the gods could have done back then to change things that could have ended things for the better.

He had almost given up hope when a slight tingle in a sense that no else had drew his attention, as he dove into the possible time stream Xander felt himself smile for a moment before he opened his eyes and grinned.

* * *

With an explosion, Xander found himself sprawled in a crater. It seemed Aeon was serious when he declared the trip to would be 'rough'.

By that comparison, Hell was 'warm' and Aphrodite was 'a looker'.

A short eternity later, Xander had rebooted his mind enough to do basic things.

Like breathing.

He also discovered that breathing was one of those things mortals and gods shared, who knew.

The godling shook his head to try to clear it as the use of his ears made a return just in time for him to hear what had to be one of the stupidest questions of all time.

"Are you alright?"

As Xander glared at the muscle-bound oaf he had to force himself to stop from launching a bolt of lightning at his cousin before he simply coughed once to clear his lungs before he shook his head again. "Not even remotely," He grumbled and winched as he wrapped his mind around speaking Greek. "By the way, if anyone offers to send you two thousand years back in time, I recommend you turn them down." He grunted out before forcing himself up and taking a seat on the edge of the crater.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind, now if you excuse me I need-" Hercules' comment was cut off as Xander froze the demi-god in place with a wave of his hand as he got himself settled before he let his cousin return to the normal time.

As he stumbled forward Hercules glanced around before he looked at the strange man that had arrived with a bang earlier. "What was that? Who are you?" He demanded as the teen shrugged.

"Call me Xander, son of Hera and Aeon, God of the Wibbly Wobbly." He explained and quickly froze time again as the muscles in the meat lugs arms tightened at the mention of his mother's name.

Once he felt he was sufficiently far away from the bruiser Xander let time flow again and held up his hands. "Now hold on big fella, I'm on your side here." He said and let out a sigh ass the big man calmed slightly. "Now I know you want to go all old testament on my mom, or current testament given the period, and honestly when I heard what she did to you so did I, but…" He trailed off slightly before he shrugged again. "She did actually have a reason for it."

Growling at the young god Hercules resisted the urge to turn the boy into a bloody smear. "What could possibly be worth my family's LIVES!" He snarled as Xander prepared to freeze time again if need be before he responded.

"Ten trillion souls and the continued existence of the human race."

At that statement Hercules actually stopped for a moment and blinked, of all the responses he could have gotten that one actually threw him for a loop. "What?"

With a wave Xander summoned a couple chairs before he plopped himself in one and motioned the strong man towards the other "This is going to be complicated but I'll try to simplify it for you, Herc, you have a destiny." He said and waved off the big man's attempts to argue the point. "Either you do it, or everyone dies, it's as simple as that." He said and let the man mull that over for a time as the two sat quietly before the son of Zeus took the offered seat with a scowl.

"I'm listening."

At that Xander nodded before he pressed forward. "Alright, your destiny is to herald the end of the era of Polytheism," At the man's look Xander explained in more detail. "Polytheism is the worship of or belief in multiple gods, after this most of the world will move unto the Monotheistic faiths, the worship of or belief in a single God, this era holds for about two thousand years before it too fades into the agnostic era. The agnostic era is where science takes over and mankind begins to makes its way into the universe at large. It is critically important that the era changes from Polytheism to Monotheism begins in the next hundred years or so, and you are the one responsible for that shift."

"And how exactly am I supposed to do that?" Hercules growled.

As Xander shrugged. "By tearing down the temple of an elder god and defeating her forces."

Hercules blinked at that before he shook his head and looked at the young god again. "Wait, so the gods want me to challenge them?"

At that question Xander nodded. "Don't you find it odd that Hera Goddess of Women, Children, Families, Household and Marriages entered into your house where you were happily married and killed your wife and child?" At his look Xander shrugged. "None of the younger gods could do it as you are protected by Zeus, Zeus couldn't do it because you are his son and even though it is needed he still can't do that to you, Poseidon would require them to near the waters before he could strike and Hades you could bully into releasing them, Hera as one of the elder gods is one of the few that had the power and abilities to slay them in front of you to set you on the course."

"Why?"

At the big man's demand Xander sighed again. "Because if they didn't then you would never have challenged the gods, if they went unchallenged the faith would remain in Polytheism and humanity would not survive into the next millennium, between seven and ten trillion souls would be lost and our species would die." At the man's look Xander continued. "Herc man, they threw everything they could at you, monsters, wars, plagues, floods, famines and you always helped with the symptoms, but so long as your family was here you would have never challenged the gods directly. So they took away your family, threw you into a rage and let you loose, and just like destiny predicted you challenged every single one of the elder gods and bested them, breaking the faith in their power and ushering in two thousand years of Monotheism. It's a total dick move on their part, but you know what? It worked. The time I come from is the twilight years of the single God's faith and the dawn of the true age of science."

"So what, all of this is just to explain why I have to suffer for others, to mock me?" Hercules rages as he tried to keep his temper in check before Xander cut him off.

"Hell no man, if so I would have accepted the things as they were and not ripped myself into a billion burning chunks to be flung back in time to help." As Hercules calmed down once more Xander decided to lay out his plan for the future.

"Alright, now Uncle Hades is willing to work with me, he will keep your family resting in his court for the time being and Morpheus will allow you to visit each other's dreams, that being said you are going to have to continue challenging the monsters and disasters set before you, these things are in motion and if you don't stop them they will cause a lot of harm." At the man's nod Xander decided to get into the slightly more touchy point that was part of the deal.

"Now since you won't be challenging the Gods directly the only way to keep the timeline balanced is… well…" At the man's look Xander decided to just get on with it. "You need to impregnate anywhere from one to four hundred women over the next hundred years."

* * *

Xander came to only to find himself slung over the shoulder of an enraged blond demi-god as he strode purposefully towards a cliff face that held up one of his mother's many temples. "You didn't have to hit me so hard?" Xander grumbled before he was unceremoniously dumped off the bigger man's shoulder.

"I thought you were a god, Shouldn't you be able to take a hit?" Hercules mocked as Xander rubbed his jaw tenderly.

"Yeah well there are rules about not being a god before you're a god, and my friends back home still needed me so with a bit of magic and some leeway on the side of Zeus and Odin I'm now two demi-gods instead, one here and one there." Xander explained before glancing up at the temple atop the cliff. "So, why are we here? Not that I'm not happy you decided to bring me along, but me and mom have had a rough couple centuries recently and I'm not so sure I want to see her right now."

"I need to see if your story is true, and since Zeus refuses to speak to me my only other option is Hera or Hades." the big man explained as He began to climb the cliff face.

Rolling his eyes at cousins habits Xander snapped his fingers and teleported the two of them to the top smiling at the grumpy look on his cousin's face Xander turned to the temple and had to stop in shock as the two door guards crossed their pole arms across to block access to the temple.

"No offerings today pilgrim, they are showing a thief the truth and the light." Dumb guard one as Xander just stared at the idiot for a moment before pointing back at the cliff.

"You did see the light show right? Sparkly shower of lights, sudden appearance, is none of this a concern to you?" Xander asked before dumb guard two poked at him menacingly with the short polearm in a threatening manner and demanded their names blinking at that Xander smiled before pointing at the small mountain of muscle behind him. "This is Hercules, son of Zeus and currently not very happy with your boss, it's all very complicated and well above your pay grade, I'm Xander, Son of Hera and I need to speak to mom real quick."

This got a response as DG1 and DG2 both blinked before screaming something about heresy and charging the duo, as Hercules prepared himself for a fight Xander waved his hand and froze the two in place with a frown before delivering two brutal kicks to the men's genitals and letting time resume for the two, with a pained shriek the two collapsed and quickly began to whimper piteously at the sudden blunt force testicular trauma they had received from the self proclaimed God of the Wibbly Wobbly, with a grunt of annoyance Xander stepped over the crying men before he glanced back at Hercules with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

* * *

Aegina was not having a good day, she had escaped from her owner and after several days of traveling had gotten so hungry she had swiped some bread and olives off a shrine to Hera, unfortunately the goddess' personal brute squad had caught her and were currently intent on lighting her on fire.

This was something she objected to quite strenuously though and the priests were currently struggling to get her chained down to the altar, unfortunately they were also being successful, she was just about to resign herself to her fate when the doors were kicked in and rather imposing form strode into the temple, his presence interrupted the assumed ceremony as Aegina stared in shock a dark haired teen stepped up behind and had a near manic grin as he posed. "LUCY, I'M HOME!"

Aegina looked around at the confused faces that surrounded her before she glanced back at the teen. "Who's Lucy?" She asked as the boy slumped in defeat at some slight as he grumbled about something before he straightened up and pointed at the priests. "Let that hottie go!"

That seemed to get everything moving as the priests summoned guards and the big man moved to attack them as the young man shrugged and made his way over and began to untie her with a smile. "Good evening, my name's Xander Harris, I'll be your duly elected hero this evening, I do hope you enjoyed your time as the Designated Damsel in Distress and please don't forget to tip your waitress and fill out a review card on your way out."

Behind him Hercules was using one idiot as a club to pound another idiot into the floor as priests, acolytes and guards rushed in to try and stop them. "Why don't you just freeze them?" The super strong demi-god growled as Xander rolled his eyes and mockingly mimicked the bigger man for several second before turning towards him with a scowl.

"Didn't Chiron teach you anything other than how to hit things? I can't use my powers in a greater god's temple without their permission!" Xander growled before turning back to the chains and trying to leverage them open with an iron bar from nearby.

Watching him struggle Aegina looked back at the bigger man that was currently twirling a priest around over his head several times before he launched the unfortunate man at a trio of guards sending the quartet into a heap. "Why is it are you're not strong like him?" She asked and quailed at the young man's glare.

"My step-brothers strength is a product of his birth, as a son of Zeus and a mortal his strength is a product of his blood, combined with the mortal right of free will he can corn hole a lot of the rules the rest of us are bound by." He growled before tapping into his godly powers and aging the locks by around ten thousand years before he ripped the rusted mess apart and tossed it over his shoulder in contempt, he technically had permission to use his powers here, his mother had given him the right to do so several thousand years from now, still since she wouldn't 'remember' giving him permission yet she would still most likely be somewhat irate, even so with the return of his powers Xander found he had a harder time shrugging off perceived slights now, the ego of a god was not something that many people got away with insulting. "Any other questions?" He growled as he felt his eyes light up as he tapped into his powers.

Staring up at the young man that she just realized was far more powerful than she first thought Aegina decided that she may as well go for broke. "What's a corn?" At the gods blink the slave shrugged before she pressed on. "You said he 'corn holed' the rules, so what is corn?"

Staring at the mortal for several seconds Xander came to the realization that maybe his uncle had a point with the whole 'smiting' thing.

He sure as hell wanted to hit the girl with a lightning bolt. "Corn is a grain crop also known as Maize that exists in a land far far away. The husk of said crop was used to wipe peoples ass when poor, as it is vaguely phallic shaped the anus gained the slang term of corn hole, in prisons soon after to corn hole or be corn holed was the term used for bending people over and engaging in gratuitous unwanted anal sex." Xander explained and rolled his eyes at her understanding nod.

Greeks.

Grumbling about the abject perversion of the ancient world Xander was ill prepared for his existence to turn into one of pure unadulterated pain.

Screaming and begging was to no avail. Even the nearly unbearable pain of being sent back in time was nothing compared to this.

With a shriek of pain Xander grabbed desperately at the hand that was currently pinched on his ear before he froze at the dark glare of the emerald eyed goddess.

"Hey mom." He said with a smile.

* * *

( **A/N) Despite the current internet fad to blame everything bad with the world on religion, it was a necessary cornerstone of civilization, historically nothing else outside of war was more active in the rise of society, culture, nations and what we consider 'modern' civilization, good and bad.**

 **Hospitals, schools, sewers, writing, money, banks, clothes, foods, drink, housing (public and private), navigation, calendars, mathematics, a lot of physics, a shit ton of the 'Natural Sciences',** **time keeping, laws, lawyers, charity, animal husbandry, most farming, etc. (Not paved roads though, that was purely a product of war.)**

 **Countries are founded on war and religion, everything else goes to feed those two**.

* * *

 **Sorry if this was a bit confusing in explaining what had happened so let me lay out the history, The Creator made everything and then set a plan in motion. The first men worshiped the 'small' gods of nature, the trees that grow, the animals of the fields, etc.**

 **Later as civilization formed around these beliefs the pantheons were formed, the Gods were born, but they were also the first ones to glimpse the Plan.**

 **Eventually the time of the gods came to an end and Monotheism was born, this lasted until modern times when Monotheism began to die, leading the way for Agnostic/Atheism.**

 **The gods know that there is another step beyond that but are unable to see it.**

 **Each step gives more power to the mortals to make their own way, for that to happen the Pantheons needed to lose power** , **if they didn't humanity would stagnate in a theocratic mire, to avoid this the gods gave power to certain powerful individuals, Hercules, Jason, Xena, Kratos, Etc.**

 **And then they turn these 'Heroes' against themselves.**

 **The Heroes showed that the gods could be defeated by mortals which lost them the Faith and heralded in the age of Monotheism.**

 **After the age of the gods the need for 'Heroes' also passed away as the monsters faded away.**

 **P.S. The Ancient Greeks were friggin perverts… just saying.**


End file.
